Friday, December 29, 2006

christmas
den waited till cindy finished her church event.. den is our gift exchange time.. this yr we changed our usual practice.. bought elf lip gloss charm for the gift exchange.. i got cindy's present and xiu got mine.. hope she like it.. hee. cos i like wad i bought for them.. haha..


yenney
7:44 pm

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

我覺得，從遊泳的的姿勢，或許能看出一個人的處世哲學。
遊蛙式的人，對週遭事物喜歡搞的清清楚楚，害怕閉起眼睛失去方向；自由式則是立下目標就埋頭衝向終點；至於蝶式泳者，應該是很享受眾人欣羨眼光的自戀狂吧！
曾經在人生道路上，走得堅定有想法的Hebe，17歲就清楚了自己該做的事。「高三一邊錄音，我談戀愛很兇，也沒認真唸書，知道大學不會考的多好，我沒去考，想說發一張專輯如果不OK，再回去重考，對自己想做的事情，我頭腦很清楚，也很有把喔。」
可是6年後，位在可能是事業或人生巔峰的她，卻看不清方向，未來的打算沒有、也失去了自信，對於一切會傷害她的事物，她以不看不想的方式，來避免自己受到創傷。
人海汪洋中，Hebe的遊泳姿態，什麼式都沒有，她用水母漂來應付一切不喜歡的東西，遠遠地、輕飄飄地，才不會有殘酷的重量，狠狠壓在她身上，但這隻能是暫時喘息，不是解決問題的方法，否則久了以後，會飄到不知道是哪裡的地方去了！


S.H.E成軍五年多以來，今年是Hebe大出風頭的一年，連Selina傳劈腿失戀都沒她叱吒風雲，因為她跟周傑倫傳緋聞不說，還成了「周侯戀」的分手導火線。

關注安靜

可 是外界關注越澎湃洶湧，Hebe卻是越來越安靜，連上訪談性節目，都要主持人再三提醒多說點話，當鏡頭照到她時，她總有一種置身事外的表情。以前偶爾會拿 自己緋聞開開玩笑，現在都由Selina跟Ella幫他擋下所有記者的提問，逕自不發一語。我不禁懷疑，以前她在新聞台上live節目當眾跌成狗吃屎時， 卻可以繼續爬起來的勇氣，到哪裡去了？
「我也覺得自己變滿多，以前因為無厘頭美少女被發掘，現在整個人縮起來，我沒有靜下心探討為什麼變成這樣，一般人會認為（無厘頭）很吸引人，你要我繼續也可以，但心裡會非常不舒服，我知道那是吸引人的要素，但不想那樣做，如果這樣才能引起注意，沒關係，我不要。」
「以前不覺藝人是工作，瘋瘋癲癲，現在覺得表現是讓你們認識我，但有時候我都搞不清楚自己是什麼樣的人，不知道怎麼詮釋給你們知道，你們看不出來我什麼樣子，我也不知道自己是什麼樣子，你們不認識我，我也不認識我自己。」
Hebe 的演藝表現是S.H.E三人當中最不鮮明，緋聞卻最多，不分異性同性，甚至一度被冠上是周侯戀的第三者，當我問起這些緋聞，Hebe抱著弓起雙腿的手，握 的更緊，臉上表情僵硬，是一種充滿防衛性的姿態，一旁宣傳跳出來擋著，丟給我官方說法，我問她，還是這些緋聞，讓她漸漸從開朗變得沉默？
「講多不見得比較好，多說多錯，這些事情被說得很奇怪，覺得這謠言從哪裡來？我對這種事情有點瀟灑；算了，以後更小心，什麼話都不講，不講還出事，就覺得，唉，到底我怎樣，去拜拜好了。」

誤會不哭

「我不讓自己覺得人性醜陋，不去想這些東西，不要鑽牛角尖，到底誰這樣對我。有人說揹黑鍋會哭，我從來沒有因為任何一件這樣的事情躲在房間裡哭過，我知道這樣心裡很不進康，有人說這樣應該早就得憂鬱症，但我知道要開心活下去。」
「我沒有發洩出來，Selina有時候會哭，Ella也會哭會生氣，我就覺得，好啊！你要這樣寫我隨便，就很瀟灑，我不知道我瀟灑的背後是什麼，但我不會發自內心的生氣。我是把自己包起來，越來越不想讓你們瞭解我。」
Hebe 的瀟灑不是思考過後的認清，她隻是把這些煩人又無解的人性謎團打包起來，丟進內心最陰暗的角落，假裝沒有這些事情的存在，既然不存在，當然也傷害不了她。 我想起也被緋聞搞的滿頭包的Selina，因此對愛情抱著悲觀想法。「我退得比她更後面吧！我還會教她，妳最好不要給人家知道什麼什麼…」
「當藝 人後，談戀愛是非常困難的事，有時候覺得算了，那東西沒辦法造成我有這麼大的衝勁，什麼都無阻。以前還蠻風雨無阻，很衝，每天都想談戀愛，後來不一樣了。 我們談戀愛很辛苦，沒有一個真的很好的對象值得妳這樣寧可不要，大家就當朋友。我會因為媒體寫而減少往來，但不會完全斷掉，小心拿捏吧。」

矛盾自卑

「以前幽默的男生會吸引我，現在是默契。我沒什麼精神上的朋友，我常跟內心某一個我對話，我就是我自己的朋友，如果可以出現一個男生跟我的心靈相契，瞭解我在想什麼，我會很嚴重依賴他，被他吸引，可是我沒辦法接受人家劈腿。」
Hebe以前的無厘頭，是一種沒有東西可失去的勇敢，當什麼都沒有，自然不會知道失去的痛苦，但是當擁有了財富、名聲、地位，而這些東西又無比脆弱，可能在一夕之間失去，卻又找不出答案和邏輯的時候，她害怕了起來，那種無法掌握的矛盾，漸漸在她心裡釀成自卑跟自閉。
「找不到一個形容詞來說，可能是半瓶水響叮噹，我懂得一些東西，什麼是唱得好，什麼是會演戲，我知道，但我不見得可以辦的到。以前會覺得自己歌唱得不錯，現在想說歌唱得比我好的還很多，或許這是某種程度上的自卑。」
「就 像我去英國原本要出書，我知道我寫的口氣跟方式很特別，但又懷疑自己，我這種人可以出書嗎？我是要賺錢還是要給人家什麼感受？這對人家的心靈有什麼幫助？ 要不要把自己的感受拋掉，學很多人隨隨便便出書？又覺得要這樣嗎？如果是我真的覺得很棒的書，成就感絕對比版稅還要棒，我不覺得我可以做到那樣的地步，所 以一直在猶豫。」

多慮變態

「我會變態到週遭的人都稱讚我很好，我會覺得似乎很好，但又覺得你們這樣稱讚我，是不是你們懂的太少以緻於覺得我不錯，想太多，內心會有一堆OS。有一種人譬如他寫一首歌，我們打槍他，他會說你們不懂啦、你們很瞎，我才是最屌，那種人我最羨慕。」
「我本來就很自閉，我的休閒娛樂都是一個人可以做的事，一個人最自在。去英國的時候，我一個人走路會笑耶，我從小很開朗，當班長，現在給人的感覺，反而比較內向安靜，當我上課自我介紹說內向，老師還說看不出來，我仔細思考，原來在英國時，我的本性都跑出來了。」
在 意別人的眼光而隱藏自己的個性，這在演藝圈時有所聞，但我發現，隻有台上台下如一的人，才能給自己最完整無憾的生命。我想起她的偶像王菲，跟Hebe是多 鮮明的對照組，覺得歌唱得不好，就跑去美國學；覺得該把時間給家人孩子，就退出歌壇毫不戀棧，因為生活是自己掙來，從來不是人家給予的。

藝人勉強

「我想過要退出演藝圈，個性沒那個藝人吧！我完全知道生存的方式，也知道遊戲規則，但這種勉強的東西如果做太多，午夜夢迴就會覺得我在幹麻？就覺得我很不適合，無法在裡頭享受如魚得水，但因為還沒想到以後要做什麼，所以繼續當藝人。」
米 蘭昆德拉的名言：「人類一思索，上帝就發笑，因為人們愈思索，真理離他越遠。因為人們從來就跟他想像中的自己不一樣。」思考從來就不是阻礙自己進步的原 因，思考的目的在找出自身的弱點並實踐改進，想太多而不做，或是不想而假裝接受，這才是上帝發笑的原因，因為這種思考，叫做自己騙自己。

怕貓

攝影跟我都覺得，Hebe有種貓樣的神秘，於是商借了以貓聞名的咖啡店，店貓的數量有23隻之多，是一種橫豎都會拍到貓的場地。
沒想到Hebe一到，就站在門口不敢進去，她說自己生平最怕貓，別人是作夢夢到鬼嚇醒，她是夢到貓而嚇醒，這下子完了，貓完全派不上用場不說，所有人包括造型、髮型師，通通變成擋貓大隊，就像踢足球一樣，一人盯緊一隻貓，不要讓貓竄近Hebe身邊。
當然貓絕對不是聽話的動物，拍到一半，有一隻貓隔著Hebe30公分之遠跑過去，我們馬上聽到高分貝的慘叫，Hebe跳起來，原本的強自鎮定瓦解，我想起她說，不喜歡的通告裝瘋賣傻一下就過去，但內心很難過會做的很差，這一點，果然可以從她的表情看出來。

yenney
11:51 pm

Friday, December 22, 2006

busy week
had been goin out this whole week..

fri
finally meet xiu aft for so many weeks.. meet at bugis aft work.. wanted to go gym but liang not feeling well and xiu will be alone shopping if we go gym.. so in the end i suggest not to go and go shopping instead.. hee.. aft bugis we went to orchard.. forgotten if i hv buy anything so it seems so long ago le.. haha..

sat
went to TTSH for journal club which had made complusory for every staff but in the end there's so many not goin.. haha.. all the big persons are present and the whole thing is just so boring and waste of time.. i went off during the tea break which is already 4.30pm.. den i went to gym alone.. 1st time goin gym alone.. abit quite cos im the only 1 doin in the whole gym.. did 3 intense rounds.. shiok ar.. den meet my sis to shop.. wanted to get the toga from topshop last few weeks so that day decided to buy.. BUT IT'S NO LONGER THERE LE!! sian.. i really hate myself.. if i bought it that day i will not feel so regretted le.. cos i quite like that toga.. sian.. really make me no mood the whole night..
but feel better when i taking photos.. haha.. this yr i wanted to take pics of christmas trees.. took some in wisma den went to taka for dinner.. had curry omu rice.. serving is sooo big... didnt manage to finish.. my sis bought a shirt or dress sod i say that from pull and bear.. this make me more sian.. den continue to take pics of christmas tree.. walked from taka to heeren to ps.. think ps had midnight shopping cos alot of shops are still open at ard 10.. bought a tube for christmas.. at least i feel better when i had bought something.. haha.. den make our last stop to the cathy to take the pink christmas tree before we headed back home.. reach home bout 12.. damn tired..

sun
another sway day.. early in the morning start raining and i goin out.. hate goin out in rainy day.. den wet my whole my birken when just crossing the road... sian.. den waited for the bus for sooo long so decided to take cab to mrt station cos im quite late le.. den knocked my head when i gettin into the cab.. so pain.. den leave my umbrella in the cab and im umbrella-less in rainy day.. so sway.. meet byeng and xiu for k lunch.. ordered slamon.. the lunch there sld be nice but in the end my salmon become curry salmon.. sound yucky.. looks yucky and taste quite weird.. haha.. aft marina took a bus to orchard but we took wrong direction and end up in east coast.. whaha.. didnt buy anything in the end..

mon
went to gym with b yeng.. aft gym meet xiu and had dinner at korean restaruant.. aft dinner walked to bugis in the heavy rain.. bought a umbrella from seiyu and shop ard bugis street..

tue
meet my sis in bishan to get christmas gift for poly and sec sch friends.. spend quite alot in total.. den make a new spec.. get a free trial pair of contacts..

wed
meet liang for gym.. den b yeng wanna go shop shop so we go buy christmas presents.. den she went to meet someone den i went home.. very tired that day cos i carried 2 heavy mangoes home.. super sweet and nice mango.. hee

thurs
went haircut with sc den go j8 shopping.. she need to get christmas gifts for the rest..

fri
had stomach cramps so skip gym.. wanted to do 10 rounds today but hv to postpone to next week le.. today work hou in the morning den m.e. said sharon forgot to call me to go tpy.. so i took a cab down to tpy.. beofre lunch, jessica called to ask if i can go over cos in the aftnoon will short of staff.. at 1st kat say no possible but aft eating she think about it, she agreed to let me go amk.. haha.. so i rush down.. but took bus la.. go back to trim my hair cos dun really satified when i got home.. collect my new spec.. nice nice.. i think la.. haha.. ok sld end here.. sld be able to tell im tired cos my update from 1 day is shorter and shorter.. haha

yenney
8:15 pm

Sunday, December 10, 2006

123456789
today had training at ttsh.. went there with tpy pple aft work.. food there is nice hee.. but it cause gastric pain.. mayb is due to the oily curry.. haha.. think my stomach cant stand too oily stuff liao la.. luckily i hv medicine for my stomach and im well aft a sleep.. the talk is quite blur and boring.. and i had been to the prof's talk before during poly cos is related to my fyp.. didnt stay throughout the talk cos im really sleepy and not feeling very good le..

finally bought hua yang OST le.. hee.. pity is that they didnt hv free poster.. now looking forward for their concert cd live in hk de.. think oso include their 5th anniversary celebration in tw.. hee.. think end of dec sld be ready..

i not sure is everyone experience this.. i will hv a song in my mind the moment i woke up and will start humming the song.. these song may not be the lastest de.. some are even oldies lo.. haha..these 2 songs happened to be the songs that came to my mind a few days ago, 说爱情回来过 by jolin and 胡思乱想 by k one and ivy..

had a late aftnoon nap and woke up at 8.30 so now cant get into slp.. and i hv difficulty to get into slp these few days.. dunno why.. and i realise i only able to get into slp when i am sleeping on my left.. i noe is not good for the body and i did tried to slp on my right but really cant get into sleep.. wad a habit..

ok hv to slp early cos tml goin to celebrate sq, cl and bh's birthday.. haha squeeze their bday together and celebrate.. goin to marina sq de billy bomber to eat.. hope everyone will go and no1 will put me aeroplane.. eating fattening food again.. hai~~ hope i can maintain my weight or better if it goes down.. i did watch my diet but not every meal everyday la.. i tried but sometimes cant resist the temptation la..




yenney
1:24 am

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

my sway hour of the day
last thurs i got my half day leave.. finally my leave is approved.. actually wanna take a full day leave de but not allowed cos really short of staff.. so bo prawn fish oso can.. at least half day allow me to visit the dentist..

met liang and b yeng @ tpy and went to tampines for our dental appt.. scout the $0.99 sushi recommend in the HDB taitai.. hee.. managed to find it.. hee.. but is so crowded lo.. sushi is nice and fresh but a little pity is the rice of the sushi is quite loose.. and the rest of their products quite ex.. ate their bbq live prawns.. nice nice..

after the sushi treat we headed to the dental clinc.. luckily i did not hv many decayed teeth.. only filled 1 tooth and did x ray for my teeth.. i have wisdom teeth but they are implanted inside my gum.. do polishing and flouride treatment.. total just nice, 100 bucks.. just nice for my dental claim..

went shopping with b yeng aft dental.. im the 1 who wanna shop cos i feel like buying things but in the end byeng bought things and i buy none.. qi si wo le!!.. haha.. but in the end i still bought a pair of white pump and nail polish.. saw a nice bag but thinking to get that for sq's present..

sat went shopping wif my sis.. whwn shopping in kino, cl sms me if wanna meet later.. so my sis go home alone while i went to meet bh they all.. wanna watch saw 3 but no1 wan to watch with me and it is R21.. i cant watch.. sian lo.. den they wanna watch horror but not much choices.. went to cine no time slots so went to the cathy.. no time slot again.. sian.. all the way to cathy but didnt manage to watch movie.. but in the end went to ps to watch cinderella.. is korean horror movie bout plastic surgery.. not very scary la.. watched till 1 plus den share cab wif jy.. drop him in front of the traffic light.. feel so bad.. haha..

sun went to get cl and sq's presents with bh and sq.. supposed to hv ss and jy oso but ss got project to rush and jy overslept.. but managed to found both of their presents quite fast i hv something in mind for them le..

yesterday went to gym.. weighed myself and im heavier le.. shit..must be i did not control my diet these few weeks..big eat big drink.. hai.. i dunno if i can meet my target weight b4 christmas.. hai.. even i cant meet i hope i can go lower than 48.. hai.. must watch my diet now..

this whole week will be in tpy.. but today i wen to 3 places to work.. in the morning tpy den amk sos so i took a cab down den afternoon went to imh to do urine.. den here come my sway hour of the day.. the moment i stepped out of lab i realised it was raining.. not very heavy so i walked to the bus stop.. on the way i realised my jeans and shoes getting heavier and heavier..the rain is getting so heavier and made me soaking wet!! so shit.. while waiting for the traffic light the car went so fast and splashed water towards me.. make me even wet.. sian.. wanna call my guma to c if they at home but my phone died.. no batt liao and i just saw my bus went pass me.. sian!! from 4.30pm-5.30 is my most sway hour of the day... haha..

yenney
7:53 pm

花樣佳句
目前發現花樣不錯佳句

１
只要能夠留在你身邊偷偷愛著你
即便你永遠無法察覺
也是一種滿足與幸福。

２
我愛你，從第一眼開始就注定
可是難道一對互相喜歡的人
一定要成為情侶
才會是Ｈappy ending嗎？

３
我下定決心，勇敢追求屬於自己的夢，
為這段尚未萌芽的愛情製造機會與條件，
不論未來要面對的是什麼，都必須堅持到底。

４
為了接近你，我改變自己、隱藏自己
何時我才能回到真實的自己？

５
不再逃避，也不再輕言放棄
你的支持是我最強而有利的後盾
我將重回戰場
為你，也為自己再努力一次

６
只要有努力就會有代價
剩下的就是相信自己的力量

７
真正的愛情就像是鬼魂一樣，看不見，卻能感受得到。

８
雖然每個人都不停的討論著愛情的存在，但是這世界又有幾個人遇得到真愛呢？

９
有人認為，根本不必去期待還沒發生的事，也有人相信，應該採取防守狀態，
被動的等待愛情的出現，才能減少主動追求時所受到的挫折跟風險。更有許多人打從心底否定了愛情的意義和可能性

10
如果我在偷笑的話
你怎麼看得見呢~


第三集的重點是:
1 頭~號~FANS~~!!!!
2 Hey man, what's up?
3 斬桃花~ 他的爛桃花只有你一個...




yenney
7:31 pm

yo mismo

yenyen
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